HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

 She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

 She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

 She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

 She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

 She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

 She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

 She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

 She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

 She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

 She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

 She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

 She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER

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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE  FACILITY

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is RHYTHMICALLY CAUCASIAN

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED