The NEW Miranda Warning
  1. You have a right to swing first! [We will testify you did!]
  2. Anything you say or do, or do not say or do, will be mis-construed and used as an excuse to beat the crap out of you!
  3. You have a right to receive medical attention after we beat the crap out of you and to have a medical personnel present ONLY after the beating!
  4. If you cannot afford medical attention, a doctor will be appointed to dress your wounds free of charge!
  5. Do you understand that you are in deep crap, and if yes, do you want medical services or a mortician called now?
  6. Do you understand each of these rights as I have yelled them in your face?